Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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