I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
