how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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