I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
