ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
