In the future we'll all be gay
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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