oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
