You made me cry and you don't even care
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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