Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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