Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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