I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
