Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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