Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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