Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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