dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
