I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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