You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
