I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
