If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm at about main and main street
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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