Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
