new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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