1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i believe in u and ur pee
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
