So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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