He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Say something about gay babies.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
