I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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