I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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