Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she told me i tasted like america
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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