my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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