hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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