my sisters under your porch take her home
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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