Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
