Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
