You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
