would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
