I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
