Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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