Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
