i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
