..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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