I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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