Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
