I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
