i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
