I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
