I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
