Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
