I'm going to jail i love you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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