I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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