where does the pee come out of this thing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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