I want to walk on stilts...naked
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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