Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize