This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
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Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason