Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for