maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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