Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
