you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.