She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.