I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy