It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
