He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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