I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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