she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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