It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
