I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
