Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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