is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
