So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
