Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
