people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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