so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
