my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
