when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
