Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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