mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
